Why I Dislike Ross from Friends

Diyana Ibrahim
6 min readJan 27, 2022

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one of my favourite episodes; The Unagi ie The Salmon Skin Roll.

Ross is loved by many viewers; hell, he’s Fahmi’s favourite character on friends. (Fahmi is my best friend, and I value his opinions). I understand why. Ross is funny, witty and has the best facial expressions. I won’t bore you with the obvious.

I will get straight to the point. There are three reasons why. Ross, welcome to your three reasons why (see what I did there ;-))

1. The Mark Robinson Issue

Ross was right about Mark’s intentions towards Rachel. Points for him for having good intuitions.

What rubs me off is how he immediately categorizes Mark as “all men that randomly helps women to be like Joey”; preying on women for one-night stands. That all Mark wants is just sex. It was insulting to see that a man with a Ph.D. was super obsessed with categorizing strangers.

He hasn’t even met the guy. The only thing he knew about Mark was that “he is a stranger that randomly wants to help Rachel.” Ross didn’t even give Mark a slight benefit of the doubt or try to meet him to clarify his intentions and establish himself as the boyfriend.

I almost lost all respect for him when he intruded Rachel’s working space by sending multiple gifts and the barbershop quartet to sing at her office during working hours. He has been in the workforce way longer than Rachel, and it’s almost like he was trying to get her fired on her first week.

I think that Ross was insecure about his position in Rachel’s life. She only had a leap of faith to quit the job at Central Perk Coffeehouse, and now she is fearlessly pursuing something she’s passionate about. He was probably scared that he would lose value in her life.

And it was also insulting to Rachel that he immediately didn’t trust her. It is unfair to assume that she will cheat on him because Carol cheated on him. Carol and Rachel are two different people. He can be aware and make Rachel aware of it. But he shouldn’t project his insecurities and make Rachel feel like she is a child who needs protection from her co-worker.

That is my interpretation of Ross’s reaction.

This picture sums up my thoughts perfectly.

Also, Mark is not an asshole. When he admitted his crush on Rachel, he was aware that she had a boyfriend, and that’s why he didn’t pursue her. Simply because Mark is a reasonable person.

2. Unnecessarily Competitive

The argument with Phoebe about evolution infuriates me.

I majored in Biology, and I have come across people who do not support the idea. I grew up learning science, so the theory of evolution is naturally scientifically sound to me. But, it is hard to see other people’s perspectives when you refuse to listen to the person’s argument on the other side.

That was the whole debate between Ross and Phoebe.

Ross is a professor. At a university. That teaches young adults SCIENCE. For an educator with a certified Ph.D., he was super disappointed in that argument.

Starting the debate by belittling your opponent is the lowest form of winning.

He was busily FORCING the evolution theory down Phoebe’s throat. He didn’t acknowledge Phoebe’s background in the area. His fragments of arguments were merely coherent, like the opposable thumbs argument. He just sprung it out without context and, in some ways, ridiculed Phoebe’s ideas (who never went to school).

I understand that the writing of this episode was primarily to make it funny because Phoebe’s responses were the best.

Phoebe argued that opposable thumbs evolved because the overlords needed them to steer their spacecraft. This one always gets me!

But it icks me that Ross was focused on forcing Phoebe to believe in something that she barely thought of instead of educating her. Phoebe is his friend. Why was he adamant about proving her wrong. What about finding a middle ground?

I realized that this is a weak reason as I wrote it, but Ross’s professional career did not align with what he practices in real life. It bothers me.

3. Ross is Self Absorbed

Ross’s favourite mantra to justify his actions.

I’ll end it with the night of the anniversary because it’s only fair to include this since THEY WERE ON A BREAK!

I had to do it. So…

Ross thought it was wise to go to Rachel’s office because he thought they should spend the night as they planned. Naturally, Rachel didn’t appreciate him barging in while she was struggling to resolve a work crisis, ended up yelling at him, and he was chased out of the office.

Cut short to the argument at home, he was adamant that Rachel was at fault because she yelled at him. He also insisted that he did not see the need to apologize because it was all Rachel’s fault. His claims include saying that she was pulling away from him, and he felt like he didn’t have a girlfriend.

Important key events to note before this episode are:

  1. First, Rachel only recently got a job that she is INVESTED in, one where she can actually provide valuable input to the industry. She was spoiled growing up and is trying to find value in her life, and overall, her passion for fashion (that rhymed nicely)
  2. Rachel was a waitress, and Ross is in academia. He used to be above in the power dynamic. He earned more and has been doing things he’s passionate about. Needless to emphasize, he was doing great in life (other than being left by Carol).

Ross was super supportive in everything Rachel did until this night. After that, Ross failed to come together with his thoughts. He constantly emphasized that he loved her. But he was fighting with his own insecurities.

Some people reasoned that Rachel was a fearful-avoidant partner that threatened to break up when the relationship was in a rocky place. Some people argued that Ross was the only one fighting for the relationship while Rachel just gave up on it. Ross was insecure because he was left by Carol despite being married for eight years. There are a lot of other reasons defending Ross’s principle.

Yes, his past experiences were distressing and awful. It affects how he acted towards Rachel on multiple accounts (jealous of Mark Robinson).

But he could not admit that he was trying to be romantic at the wrong time and at the wrong place. Rachel was new to the job and was under a lot of pressure to do a good job.

If Ross really loved her, he should’ve stepped back, looked at things from her perspective and waited for a romantic dinner at home. But, he insisted that night to be done in his way, based on his desires to celebrate the anniversary. I can’t see how his actions are rational when he had the choice to acknowledge that he had his faults.

His self-centred nature was also reflected during the argument the morning after he cheated on Rachel. He tried to argue his way out of a technicality and claimed that the reason he cheated on Rachel was that he thought that Rachel was sleeping with Mark.

Ross lost everything to his pettiness, to the sake of getting even.

One way I see it is simply that if you really love someone, you wouldn’t want to sleep with someone just because they slept with someone else.

Finally

I want to end this article by saying that I acknowledge that every character in Friends was dysfunctional in their own ways. The characters are human, and they make mistakes. That’s what makes this sitcom unique and special to me.

I love every single character, including the side characters. But, it always bothers me that I never genuinely love Ross like I love the others. To sum it up, I think it’s just annoying that lack of reflection on how he lived his life was indeed a bummer for me. Unfortunately, I only got to enjoy Ross in the first three seasons.

If you guys have opposing opinions or want to share your experience watching Friends feel free to respond! I would love some conversation on one of my favourite TV shows of all time.

Thank you for reading, and have a great life!

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Diyana Ibrahim
Diyana Ibrahim

Written by Diyana Ibrahim

Provides you with daily 5 minute reads to work about books, science and Vancouver.

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