Finding A Niche
A heart-breaking, endless journey.
Every Medium article encourages me to publish daily. To develop the habits of writing every day. They say it gets easy. But not to me.
Every day, I feed my thoughts with all these success stories about people who are actually doing something worth the time and energy. They get the career of their choice, financial stability and the time to pursue any suppressed childhood interest. And I ended up being very discouraged to write instead.
Because a lot of these articles make me feel very insecure about my writing. I questioned so many things, and it held me down.
Do I not have a good work ethic? Am I so bad at self-discipline? Why can’t I write something easily like everybody said it would?
I went to a Medium workshop in January. They gave out a set of questions that we can use to help us construct a good blog, essentially find a niche for our writing. Some are questions that we need to ask ourselves, like our secret obsessions? Our hobbies or unique interests? What am I an expert in?
Right now, I have so many topics that I’m interested in. *rolls eyes*
Then, the following are a set of almost similar questions, but from the perspective of people close to you. THIS SET ME BACK.
Because I didn’t know what people thought of me. I don’t even know what my opinions on myself are.
I’m not currently an expert in anything. However, it is overwhelming to see young writers passionately write their different journeys articulately. To have at least the next year planned almost flawlessly.
NOT ME. It’s not that I don’t have a plan. But I am full of fear. Of what holds for me in the future.
Answering Questions About Myself
I realized that I was on autopilot for the last 7 years of my life. I was in constant survival mode.
- I need to complete my IB, do my best, and find a university that is far enough from home to learn to grow by myself.
- Finish my degree and find a job in Canada.
- Grow my career here and eventually go back to Malaysia to help young people’s education.
These are roughly my goals.
If I had to choose a passion, it would be writing. Ironic. Considering that I barely finish anything that I write. Maybe reading, because I like understanding the intricate details on a topic. Perhaps another one would be outdoor activities like hiking and camping. (Had to take the opportunity since I am in the beautiful British Columbia).
During the past 5 years abroad, I grew as a person. I learned a lot of things. In essence, I would describe myself as someone receptive and progressive. Open to growth. Yes. That’s who I am.
How did People See Me
My close friends would probably describe me as unstable. I am highly energetic in social events. I always want people to feel they belong and are comfortable, and I crack decent jokes (certified by a close friend). But behind closed doors, I can get very stern when I start to fixate on some things like doing assignments and coding.
One of my housemates described me as very unfriendly and insolent when I make lunch on those days when I’m trying to get things done. (we share a kitchen, and they say I don’t even smile when I see them)
I did not see it as a problem because I know I’m human, and that’s that.
It hits me hard. Because I didn’t even think of trying to improve my approach. I merely expected people around me to accept me as I am.
I am a hypocrite.
I pride myself on telling people that I am broad-minded and am constantly improving myself. Open to criticism and such. These are the words that come out of my mouth during interviews and my practice interviews (obviously).
I have repeated this “I am open to growth” sentence so many times that I inherently programmed my brain to believe it true.
What I Eventually Learned
Yes, I realized I’m a hypocrite. But essentially, what I learned was why I got demotivated from the articles was not that I think the articles are a bunch of lies meant to put me down.
I realized that I was not open to growth in my writing. I stayed the same.
So what if I have a lot of interests? I’ll share each and every one of my interests with you guys. Be it science, my programming journey, my immigrant journey and my growth. Not just the happy parts. I’ll share everything.
Well, not everything. Most things. The good, the bad and the ugly.
I should stop obsessing over the notion that I have to find a niche. I’ll find my niche. Maybe next month, maybe next year or perhaps the next 10 years. I will be sure to share this journey.
If you like this and have something to share, I would be more than happy to read your responses. It doesn’t have to be about specifically finding your niche. A story about any journey is welcomed:)
Thank you for reading and have a great night (or day)!
